beginning?

i used to write everyday in a livejournal account--which i still keep from time to time--and i used to say that one day, i wouldn't need to write in a journal to help summon my sanity from wherever it wandered off. i used to frown upon my dependency on the journal and try to dismiss that utter need for something so intangible... that need for words..

alas. here i am.

so, upon brief reflection, i have made a retrospective analysis of me now versus the livejournal me of yesteryear. i found some important things about myself and about my writing, which i am assuming will not change (or change minimally) now if they have not thus far.

for instance, i LOVE starting sentences with conjunctions. i love it. i think it makes the preceding sentence sound more complete and definitive, and it makes the sentence with which it starts sound more important. damn all the rules for proper sentence structure. damn them to hell. i follow most of them anyway. i figure that if i have a subject and a predicate, who the hell cares what word it starts with if it sounds good.
on a similiar note, i rarely use capital letters. i probably should more. but i find the visual aesthetic to be very important when reading, and i simply find capital letters distracting. no, i am not trying to be poetic. no, i am some ee cummings wannabe. NO, i am not too lazy to capitalize the i's. i just... don't like them when they are capitalized.



and i.. well, i'm not much different than ljs (livejournal self), either. i still write short stories, no more than 2 or 3 pages, quite often. i might post a few here when i do write them. and i still have a lot of problems, which i think goes without saying. i know a few more big words and i'm a hot-shot college student now. life is more exciting and wonderful and horrifying than ever.
i am more easily afraid, which is hard to admit. i cry more these days, about bigger things, things i can't change. like the world. i find myself crying about the world a lot.

i guess the romans said it best when they said high places are often achieved by narrow roads. interpretations may abound, yes. but for me, these words form a narrow path--slight and winding, long and tedious. but in spite of the journey (or maybe because of the journey) that path has the potential to land me somewhere wondrous...